Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Her name was Fannie Lou Hamer, a fierce 60s Civil Rights activist in mean old Mississippi. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired and decided to do something about it, even to the extent of taking on the Democratic National Convention to question the seating of the Mississippi delegates at the convention.

Not too long ago, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I began to ask myself some hard questions. How could I, as a firm believer in the Lord, Jesus Christ, find myself in a place of worry and anxiety? Why was I still wrestling with the past rather than trusting God not only for my future, but also for my present? Why was I still putting my trust in mankind (who had already proven they should not be trusted) rather than in a God who had proven Himself to me over and over and over? "Why", as one woman asked me those many years ago, "was I made out to be the bad guy?" And why was I still pitching my tent in that miserable valley? I know I am wired for worry and I realized that I needed to submit that pre-disposition to the authority of God. But how?

I finally declared to myself, "Enough is enough," and determined to fast and pray on the matter. I entered into the fast with the thought that I would fast until God declared "the end." This time I also decided that each time a hunger pang hit I would think on the word of God and pray. In times past, when the hunger pangs hit, I only though about food. This time I turned my appetite to God to feast on His word and to hunger for His righteousness. This became my daily routine and the stronger the hunger pangs, the stronger my prayers.

It is not important how long I fasted, but when I came out of the fast, I came out with the calm assurance that through it all Jehovah Shammah is indeed with me. These days my worry switch is not so easily flipped, after all, if God is for me, who (or what) can be against me. I have that peace that confounds me. When I do feel the tickle of worry, I immediately turn to God (Phil 4:6-7).

No, I have not reached perfection. There are still days when the enemy points out the losses and what I do not have, days when I wonder "What the heck happened?" There are times when he pokes me in my spirit and asks, "So, where is the love?" But, when these moments show up, I remind myself that I am the apple of God's eye, that He has my name written on His hand and that He catches my tears in a bottle. He will be my vindicator long after I've forgotten the hurt and gotten over the heartache. He truly is my light and my salvation. He fills the voids in my life and I am (thank you, Marvin) stronger and wiser and so much better.

I get joy when I think about what He's done for me!