A Charge To The Pastor’s Wife

Almost from the moment I became a Pastor’s Wife, I became concerned about pastors wives, their challenges, their heartbreaks. I wanted to encourage and support the other First Ladies as much as I could.
I did my best to express that encouragement through writings specifically for the pastor's wife. I wrote with the hope that some simple message would touch some wife at the right moment, perhaps just a tiny spark of encouragement at just the right time. Here are a few things I have learned during ny twenty years as a PW:

1. God did not make a mistake. He knew we would be pastors wives no matter how ill equipped we feel, or how resentful we may be. What's done is done. Now is the time to turn to God, to ask his forgiveness for a lack of trust about his plan for your life, and to start from this place. Whatever we may feel we are lacking, be it wisdom or recognition of a spiritual gift, we can ask God to give it to us. Perhaps it's a love for the people, or even ourselves. We can ask God to fill the void and use us for His glory in a place designed by Him for us. We must understand this: It is God who gives us the desire to do His will, and then it is God who gives us the power to do his will (Ephesians 2:10). Then, as we spend time in God's presence, we may have to apologize to our husbands for not believing in their ministry and God's call.

2. We must allow God to do His perfect work in us. Please understand that though this First Lady thing is high profile, it is not a platform for ego, nor an agenda for prestige and status. Jesus said that those wanting exaltation must first humble themselves. We are the ones who humble ourselves; He is the one who exalts (I Peter 5:6). I understand how easy it is for the PW to develop a hunger for attention, particularly if she is too often overlooked, and devalued. When my husband was first called to pastor, the advice he received from seasoned pastors was amazing: "Sit her down and let her look pretty. Don't let her get involved with the people." My husband, though of that generation, did not take their advice. He allowed me a place in his ministry, and I did my best to honor him for his trust in me. Still, if he had chosen to listen to those "sages," I pray that I would have done my best to honor God in that place. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the PW must, like Paul, be content in whatever state they find themselves, and truly trust God to effect change for their good.

3. Repeat after me: "Women are not an issue!" Now, before anyone falls on the floor laughing hysterically, hear me out. Yes, the majority of the congregation is female. Yes, they do think that our suit wearing, cologne wearing, kissing/hugging husbands walk on water, especially if their husband leaves muddy tracks on their lives, or the last man in their life spent his time in the world's swamp, or they are still sleeping single in a double bed. My husband was a "chick magnet" from day one of our courtship until the Lord called him home. That magnet ratio went up a few notches when he became a pastor. He used to say, in the latter days, "I'm an old, fat man, and women still approach me." So, I knew the challenge, but I never acknowledged the challenge, at least not in public. When I discerned that a woman was too interested, I just gave him a "heads up," which he usually discounted (though later he would come back and tell me I was right). As far as I was concerned, once I passed on the warning, I let it go and prayed that God would give him wisdom and protect him from a dumb mistake. I do believe that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us, but what is that power? I believe it's the power of faith, the power of trust, the power to believe God when everything in your reality points in the other direction. Don't be scared to walk in that power. Be bold, be strong, the Lord thy God is with thee!

4.) The Pastor's Wife is also a member her husband pastors. She will not always understand his vision; she will not always agree with his vision; she may even balk at the vision. But, isn't that what the other sheep do as well? I did my best to honor my husband as Pastor, even when I was so mad at him I could have spit nails. When I stepped into the sanctuary, he was no longer the husband who had angered me; he was my Pastor/Teacher. Whatever had transpired at home, or on the way to church (you know), was placed on the back burner, to be continued at home. We had a family motto when the girls were growing up: "What goes on in the house, stays in the house." No, I do not think this is a front, because we shared our challenges with the marrieds ministry. I just believe that God ought to have priority in his own house. My anger or dismay with my husband, had nothing to do with God, so when I stepped into His house, I honored Him and His word, irrespective of my issues with his messenger.

5. Life is so short, too short to spend looking back. Life, like everything else, happens. We must make peace with our lives, trust God for our reality, and love our husbands one day at a time. None of us is perfect, but a union dedicated to God has perfection in its view. To God be the glory for the things He has done, and will do.