Where Do I Begin?

So there I was; church girl extraordinaire; introvert par excellence; scab picker.

I marched into that fishbowl of ministry life prepared for absolutely nothing other than anger, bitterness and frustration. I soon became the miserable and negative First Lady. If there is a saving grace to my story, it is this; I never acted out in public. I just drove my husband crazy with private negativisms, so much so that he banned me from riding in the car with him on Sunday mornings because I always managed to bring up some negative issue, always, always blended with my pessimistic view, either about home or church people or both. (I must hurry to add a caveat here, that wives do this, sometimes, because this is the only time they have their pastor/husband as a captive audience.)

The good thing is that in the midst of all my “stuff” when my husband came to the pastorate he began to teach the basics of Christianity in weekly general assembly sessions and I attended each and every one. As I sat in those sessions and learned not only the word of God, but learned about God and His plan for His children, the Holy Spirit began the promised transforming work in me. First of all, I was astounded by the fact that though I was “church girl bar none,” I was woefully ignorant about biblical doctrine. Oh yes, I did learn the requisite bible stories in Vacation Bible School and I learned how to find the books of the Bible in Baptist Training Union, and I memorized passages from the Bible for Easter and Christmas programs, but I would not have been able to tell you what I believed, and I barely had a nodding acquaintance with the God in whom I professed to believe. This church girl was more than a little dismayed that I had spent all of my life in church and yet I knew very little about that which I professed to be my faith. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. I began to ask my husband doctrinal questions and when we went out to repasts with our ministry friends I wanted to eavesdrop on the conversations of the pastors as they held court on doctrinal issues (the rapture, before trib, after trib/in the middle of trib, fascinating topics like that). My enthusiasm grew and God gave me a facility for quick scripture recall.

My pastor/husband became my mentor and my encourager. I will admit, however, that he did go a little too far in his encouragement when he began to buy me books and commentaries and study guides every Christmas and on my birthdays. I loved the idea that he thought of me in that vein, but I was still very much a wife who wanted baubles, bangles and beads.

I was blessed to have a husband who invested his ministry in me as well as in the people of God. Still, I must have been as much of a challenge to him as some of those recalcitrant sheep who sat next to me in the pew every Sunday. I, therefore, do not want to give you the idea, dear reader, that the transformation from church girl to committed disciple happened overnight. Though I became voracious for the Word, sanctification the process was an up and down journey for me. I had to willingly enter into the process, and sometimes I was not so willing even as the Spirit poked me. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit led me to three scriptures that would impact my resistance to trusting God with my all, scriptures that would help me to begin to replace my “I can do it” mentality with a Philippians 4:13 mindset, “I can do all things through Christ. . .”